Idiotic & Philosophical NBA Gambling Advice for TONIGHT, November 21st, 2023
Terrible advice from someone who is not a professional
It’s almost Thanksgiving and most people are slowing down, so I figured we could all waste a little time together. If you actually take my gambling advice, I don’t know what is wrong with you — If you play any of these bets though, and win, hells yeah, but if you lose you’re on your own. Sowwwwwwwy not soweeeeee
The Turkish basketball team, pictured in 2023. Happy turkey day! 🏀🥲
Fan Duel Games and Odds
https://sportsbook.fanduel.com/navigation/nba
Game 1
Toronto vs Orlando
The Toronto Raptors are the worst team in the league. That is a true statement if you believe in the social media sense of the word “truth.” If you’re looking for more accuracy they’re actually not that BAD, just mediocre. They have a 6-7 record, which means they have some hope to be good. Hope is an ugly word, these days, but I still got it. You? My advice is to take the Raptors with the 9.5 points.
Game 2
Cleveland vs Philly
At +6.5, the Cleveland Cavs? I am shocked. I just finished listening to a podcast where the hosts were nonstop shitting on them. Then again, 6.5 points is a decent amount on a random Tuesday the week of Thanksgiving. I feel like a lot of the players are thinking about dinner and going to phone it in, which gives the Cavs more of a chance against a much better 76ers team that they should lose to by far more than 6.5. The game is also on TNT and that makes me think the young Cavs players are going to want to prove a point. Unlike most teams, who don’t care, the underperforming Cavs actually do have something to play for this holiday week: Their reputation. If they lose, it might start to feel a little humiliating? Take the Cavs, with the spread, on this one.
Game 3
Indiana vs Atlanta
As I type this sentence, the game is tied, and the Pacers are only favored by 4.5 points. This seems like an absolute no brainer. Put your mortgage on the Pacers and call me on Thursday night right in the middle of the meal while I’m eating turkey to tell me about the vacation to Aspen.
Game 4
Portland Trailblazers vs Phoenix Suns
Kevin Durant. Kevin Durant. Kevin Durant is on the Phoenix Suns.
I’m taking the Phoenix Suns. Wait, no. They’re favored by 13 points!!!! I don’t think any team is going to win by that many points the week of Thanksgiving (except for the Cavs). But at the same time, I can’t imagine rooting for the Portland Trailblazers. Oooph, I’m taking the Blazers with the spread!!!
Game 5
Los Angeles Lakers vs Utah Jazz
The Lakers are favored by 7.5 points in this game, and my suggestion is to take the Jazz. If you know the Lakers as intimately as I do, you know they never try against bad teams. They’re not capable of putting up a performance against a middling team, that’s just not our style. We like to try when we know famous actors and musicians are watching, and very few will be at the game tonight. I talked to them, so I know. The only famous person who is going to be there is this guy: (Not Drake)
If you don’t know who that is, I swear I’ll tell you soon. In the meantime, have a happy and healthy Thanksgiving!!!