Welcome back to BASKETBALLWEATHER. I can’t believe how freaking crazy the playoffs have been.
This last couple of weeks I’ve been struggling with some friendship-drama. It’s the kind of thing that Balzac wrote about in the early 1800’s in Lost Illusions, big city stuff, friends who love each other who have always supported each other, moving in different directions, and struggling to keep the original fire that drew them into each other, kind of stuff. When it happens it feels like the ground is shifting and it’s hard on an emotional little dude like me who dies for his friends, and is loyal to the bone.
A friendship like this is bit like Evan Mobley and Donovan Mitchell <👆🏻>. Perhaps maybe not the best fit? Evan Mobley for the uninitiated is a big-man for the Cleveland Cavaliers with a sophisticated acumen for defense but sluggish offensive skills. Donovan Mitchell is the Superstar-light point guard who may be the best player on the team, but may also not be good enough to be the best player on your team if your aspiration is to win a championship.
As my son says, “I want to win, I want to win.”
My friend, let’s call him Joe, is a talented filmmaker who like so many of us wants to be the center of attention. When we first met I was less in my self than these days and too insecure to realize that the dynamic between us that I thought was supportive, was mostly one-sided. He needed me to bolster him as a writer, and at the time I needed him to bolster me as an actor. We gave legitimacy to each other as artists, and found a sweet spot that made it all work.
Then I started publishing. Fiction, poetry, etc, and this talent that had been lying dormant for a while came out with a bang, ripping through the doors of my psyche.
The first person I wanted to celebrate all of this good news with was my friend Joe. After all how many times had I sat across from him and said Don’t be afraid, anyone can be a writer. Don’t listen to what the “experts” tell you, they’re just doing the same thing that all gatekeepers do when they’re afraid, creating false obstacles that have nothing to do with you and your god-given talent.
Even then he wasn’t the best support for my acting, but I was too naive to realize what was happening. I remember one beer vividly. We were at a bar on Venice boulevard, and Joe was complaining that one of his oldest friends did not give him the time of day. Joe felt like his friend didn’t listen to him, that if anyone was initiating contact for plans, it was Joe, and not the other way around. A small voice inside of me said, Damn, that’s how I feel with Joe, but I was too busy playing the role of the Supportive Friend to do anything about it in the moment.
Cut to three years later and I still feel extremely awkward telling Joe about my literary accomplishments, his ability to center my achievements in the literary sphere is awkward at best. Chalk it up to L.A. film myopism (sic) if you want, so many out here have one track minds about the film industry, as if it was the only art form that ever existed, but for me it doesn’t change the fact that it doesn’t feel good to have someone who I thought was a friend turn their back on me.
I want Joe to lean into my moments, and be there for me.
Cut to
Joe recently placed his film in a very cool film festival and when I found out about it I was confused. Normally I’d rush to call him and congratulate him on his achievement, but on the back of all of these disappointments it didn’t feel right. Nor did it feel right to let is fester. I grabbed the phone and called, to let him know how I truly felt.
How happy I was for him. How proud.
It was a half truth at best.
The real, full truth will come in when we’re able to shift the dynamic of our relationship. Can’t we just talk about it? Somehow these feel like really difficult things to even bring up. I imagine that’s what Donovan Mitchell feels like when he’s in the locker room with Evan Mobley, a rising star in the NBA who has all the potential in the world to be one of the best players in the league, just not with Donovan Mitchell sharing a basketball court with him.
Thanks for being here. 🏀❤️